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A Melbourne Aussie radio station conducted a phone-in competition to find
the most embarrassing public moment in a listener`s life. Herewith the
final four...

4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy & started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust & annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she didn`t start behaving herself, right now,
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye & said in a
voice just as threatening, 'If you don`t let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy`s willie last night.' After this
enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity & walked out of
the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door
closed behind me were screams of laughter.

3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her
a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn`t want to miss the call,
we didn`t make time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled
'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles,
cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend & I were
frozen on the spot in a state of shocked embarrassment for what seemed
like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise
parties.

2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally Got
up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. he
checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out
across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.'
But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks' & replied in a business like
tone, his voice booming back over the same public address system: 'Do you
want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one you knock in
with a hammer?

1st Place. ...& the winner is...
This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology lecture.
A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young
woman raised her hand & asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are
saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in
sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that`s correct adding some
statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why
doesn`t it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst
out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red as she realised exactly what
she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books & without another
word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door,
the professor`s reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered
her question. 'It doesn`t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness
are on the tip of your tongue & not in the back of your throat'.

Give me a sense of humour, Lord;
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
Amen.